Trigger Point

I posted on twitter recently:

I feel like, I have all these tears inside of me just waiting to erupt. But I would rather swallow my tears than acknowledge them.

And to that, I’d like to add, that it seems that I have a never-ending well of tears within me. I hate to be dramatic, but I’m not exaggerating.

I just ended a phone call with my friend, M. We belong to a group of friends that I used to be very tight with. But somehow, along the way, after a few missed group gatherings, I was no longer invited to the gatherings and “forgotten.” That was last year. It hurt me a great deal and I was quite upset. I’ve gotten over it quite some time ago, and the reason I called him was to ask/clarify if there was any tension or hard feelings anyone in the group had with me. He said no and I was explaining how I came to feel the way I do and that I wanted to know the truth, if there was any, now that I’m past caring. He apologized a few times, of which I told him not to feel sorry. He explained that things just happen, and just is, as with timing. But I guess the truth is that they just never cared too much about me, or at least not as much as I cared about them. The hurt still hurts and still stings. So I cried, I guess my pride just won’t let me admit that I still care. Still hope they’d care more about me. Ha!

Alright, I’ve packed my room, with a little more stuff to clear. Preparing for school which will start on Monday. Planning for check up with the dentist and eye doc, meet up with friends and clear readings before school starts! Yowza~

I think I can be read like an open book. That’s why I’ve grown to be introverted. Cause I’m not good at lying, I’d rather just shut-up, clamp up, than let it all out and cry, cause I hate to be the whining/crying/weak girl. I’m just too proud for that. And I think that all that’s happening is just proving that I need to head back to God. And that I need to stop thinking/feeling that what’s happening is preventing me from going back to him.


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