Tag Archives: Books

Of Insomnia, Single-hood and Orchard Central

Hmm I had insomnia last night. I think because I had a pretty long and exciting day. And I was up awake thinking what to do. Should I watch drama? No, that would cause me to stay up longer because one korean drama episode typically lasts an hour. So I thought aloud, “I can’t sleep, should I read? But just thinking about the books I have to read just makes me want to sleep.” HAHAHA.

I was thinking about the books on fashion I borrowed from the library. Various titles about textiles, designers and fashion culture. I’ve mentioned this before but I’ll say it again, haha. That they aren’t boring books in fact they are very interesting it’s just that once it becomes reading material it generally becomes boring. Oops. I have to admit I’m not a very studious or motivated student. :* But this semester I really want to excel, so I really need to put in a lot more effort in my studies than I am right now.

So basically I stayed up reading “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. I remembered it being and good book and wanted to read it again before I pass it to a friend. I’ve actually gotten the gist of the book so I could vaguely remember the concepts within the book. I’m the kind of reader that reads for the gist of the book, digest it and makes it my own knowledge. So my knowledge is a sum of many digested knowledge and very often I can pull stories and tell you the gist of things and what about in my own words and cannot remember exactly where it’s from.

It’s a good book. Reading it again reminded me that it’s not what I need to do about singlehood but what I can do with singlehood. It’s one of the books that I’ve read that made me certain that I don’t need to date and to a large extent have little or no desire to date. There are many convincing reasons for me, a few being that I am better able to seek God and serve God in my youth because I am single, the freedom of singleness allows me more time to develop skills and knowledge, I do not have to suffer the pains of heartache from breakups/unsuccessful loves, I am guarding and preserving my heart for my partner/husband to be and perhaps most importantly I think is that I am not mature enough for a relationship. There are of course other reasons like I am not tied down to one person and accountable to the one person and hence I have the freedom to meet and make as many friends and develop many meaningful and fruitful friendships.

I believe that the time will come when I am older God will provide a bf so I am not worried or anxious to find one.

So far this week has been a pretty fruitful week. Met up with an old friend for lunch ytd before a bible study session with Xue and then it was class before heading home for dinner. Ok I wasn’t very productive last night. ๐Ÿ™ ย I need to plan my time at night and be more productive!

Bini, Desmond and I went for Blackmarket No.2 opening at Orchard Central tonight and it was pretty crowded. Saw our fashion tutors and popular fashion people. Urban writer Rohai was there covering the event on video. It’s nice to see a growing interest in local design although I must say they are priced pretty high and some designs are not worth the price. It’s really difficult to sustain a local (read Singapore) brand. It requires a lot of passion, effort, successful business strategies! I am impressed with Blackmarket and I really wish them well and hope they go from height to height. ๐Ÿ™‚

After checking out the event for a short while, Bini introduced us to a wonderful place for dinner, Sarang at the highest floor. It has wonderful ambience, serves delicious food and is not crowded! ๐Ÿ˜€ Desmond introduced us to a hidden gem of the Orchard Central basement that is an interesting mish-mash of Aegean Sea mural in one area, red-bricked country walls with ivy growing in another and lightning resembling those from a hotel lobby. Very queer but beautiful nonetheless.

The Aegean Sea Mural.. Will upload the other queer sights on fb as well as pictures of celebrating not-so-surprise-but-sweet Jing Wei’s birthday from tuesday night!

Toodles~!

The Elusive Balance

I think this post will be a deep one.. I feel it… So this is a cute picture of me and my toys to belie the cheamness of this post. ย HAHAHA as if I need a reason to post a cute picture of myself on my blog… ^^ – more cute emoticons /( ‘ . ‘) i’m quite good at this huh!

So when I was reflecting I initially thought that what I learnt was to be less in control. That all along I’ve been too in control and when things don’t go according to plan I get crushed. But that’s not the case. The case in point (tee hee so lawyerly must be influenced from reading Jie jie’s notes) is that I don’t know how to strike that elusive balance in a christian life. Being in love with God and yet also loving the world. Mission imPOSSIBLE. yeah right. (Sorry can’t help but be sarcastic at this pt in time)

So i’ve been meaning to write a poem on how my coping mechanism’s been. It’s more like reblog, I think I wrote that poem some time back and it’s shelved in the annals in one of my now defunct blogs. ย But I will spare you the cheesy poem (alright I know you guys do love my poems right? right? :P) The poem talks about a clam. Need no explanation. HAHAHA. Ya so natural mechanism, people. When hurt, I just clam up and keep things to myself… Avoid people… Don’t let people in so I don’t get hurt, simple!

I’ve been literally crying every week for 2 months (maybe even longer now) and I avoid talking about it so I don’t cry. It’s getting to a point I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. And sick of being so damn weak. But it’s ironic, I don’t want to be strong.

So yes I’ve kinda drifted away from topic but you’ll see it all links up. The thing is, it’s so difficult to strike that balance. When I think I got it, but I didnt, and since I didn’t, why did I bother? GOSH I know it’s stupid, but I gave up trying. But you know what, God never lets his stupid kids go. Teehee. Thank you God for loving me. ^^

So the song, the song, old song, I heard today. “Heart of Worship” rings true.

I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about You
All about You, Jesus
I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it
When it’s all about You
It’s all about You Jesus

At the end of the day, I need to realise and accept that it’s not going to be about me. Typed some really super cheesy lines but decided to delete them instead, I’m shy. Hahahaha.

So yes. I am still learning. Being 20 is amazing, no longer a teen, not yet an adult. Lost in between. The world of teenage lust and desires being held back (maybe not sometimes) by a growing rationalism. I disapprove of how I’ve been. It was me totally trying (LOL) to be rebellious and kick my shoes in the air and shout “I don’t care, eh eh eh eh eh” to the tune of korean pop girl-band 2NE1’s hit.

I’m still trying to complete Phillip Pullman’s “His Dark Materials”. Yes, he’s an atheist and his work is supposedly anti-christ but I read for leisure like I did with J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series and Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series. Gosh, there’s obviously an appeal with the occult huh? Hahaha. I really do recommend Pullman’s work. It’s really a literary work of art. The worlds, the characters, the words are beautifully crafted. What I love most is in a particular more medieval like world which the heroine, a young girl Lyra comes from, his creation of “daemon” a little spirit animal that follows the people upon birth. Before the child matures to an adult, the daemon constantly evolves and changes, it could be as timid as a mouse, or loyal as a dog or bold as an eagle. But when the child reaches maturity then his daemon no longer changes but is fixed at the child’s most defining character so to speak. So a guardman’s daemon is a dog and a crafty woman’s daemon’s a monkey.

And often while reading I feel so much admiration for Pullman’s keen observation of mankind and due to how much I relate to it. It’s exactly frustrating for me cause right now, I’m experiencing so much changes, if humans had daemon, mine would be distorted, contorted right now. And I know, this is a phase, one day which again, I think will be soon, 1-3 years time, my character and personality will (I hope, fingers crossed) be more stable and I won’t feel so vexed like I am and at lost. And while I am at it, I really really want to make sure I give in my best effort to be the best I can be, before I get stuck into the personality/character for my adulthood.

Hahaha it’s really been a long post huh! Alright time to sleep, ciaos! ย ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hope you enjoyed the long read. Heehee.